That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
