i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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