I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
