Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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