Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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