conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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