i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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