Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
