I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You have to summon your inner elephant
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize