Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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