I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
