dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
