hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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