last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
