I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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