..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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