I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
