What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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