I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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