ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
