She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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