So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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