im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize