If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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