I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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