I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
