i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
