is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
