You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize