last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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