so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
