Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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