she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
