And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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