I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
