Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I faked an abortion last night.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
