you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
How does it feel to date your dad?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize