I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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