If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
