Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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