you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
