Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
