Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
