I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
