2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
ttyl tear gas
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
