I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
