mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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