i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just want to make out with him forever
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
