That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
