But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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