his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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