dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
