Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
