a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
