So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
