i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
