she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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