I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
