Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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