we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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