We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
