i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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