I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
