I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
