in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
