Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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