we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
