I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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