Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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