Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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