Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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