i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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