I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
