I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize