Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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