Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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