i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
