If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
