You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
