im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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