Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
