I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
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