i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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