This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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