1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
