..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I fill condoms, not promises.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
