Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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