I want to walk on stilts...naked
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
