I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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