last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
