I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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