went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Life is so much better after having sex.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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