I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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