What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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