JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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