youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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