it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My penis needs a shock collar
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
