You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
that may or may not have been my penis.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize