I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
