what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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