i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The uberlube is also flammable
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
