There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
