I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
