she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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