then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
