I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
