Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
