Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
