I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
