She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
