Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
MIDGETS
????
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize