i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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