what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
