I'm going to jail i love you
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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