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You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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