once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
