I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
