plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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