you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
