no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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